Beanbag: Emophilia the Hereditary Disease

Introduction
Emophilia is the name of the hereditary genetic illness that impair the individual’s ability to enjoy life. Genetic deficiencies affect mental, emotional and spiritual aspects so as to compromise normal thinking. Consequently, the individual's physical activity is influenced, and this difference in physical activity is one of the telltale signs of emophilia. When an emophiliac person (or emo person in short) is pissed, he or she will stay pissed, and continue to be excessively pissed for a very long period of time. In serious cases, no piss-stimulus is required to trigger off an emo spell.

History
The first record of (EDIT)emophilia* is in Egyptian burial records which tell of an emo Pharaoh, Khanvintrietphien, who ruled really really terribly. The Pharaoh abolished the mandala-ish/patron-client political system, and replaced it with despotism (which was dam screwed cos he was a freaking emo despot). It should be noted that he was so emo, that not even the Jedi Master Chamie Jinn could stop him. Historians commonly refer to this period as the "dark abyss".

Jedi Master Chamie Jinn

After Khanvintrietphien’s death, a 5-day coup followed, in which each and every one of his children was butchered and burnt in Thebes (thus resulting in the invention of the campfire). A new Pharaoh ascended the throne, and the Egyptians attempted to erase the records of this incident from their history. It is believed that the 5-day “cleansing” of the emo gene from ancient Egypt was unsuccessful, due to the escape of one of Khanvintrietphien’s 5000 daughters, Telizabethayereo. By the strength of her feet and her trusty camel-steed, Telizabethayereo escaped to the neighbouring lands of Nubia, where she got caught in the earliest recorded nuclear test ever. Experts say that radiation from the blast mutated the emo gene, weakening its emo effects on the individual. Rumours say that Telizabethayereo survived the nuke, and managed to pass the new, watered down emo gene on to future generations.

In the 12th century, the Chinese expert in muscle aches, Kloria Ghoo, wrote of a muscle-aching family whose males predominantly exist in a moody state. However, she failed to elaborate further in her research paper, and therefore only scored a C, consequently missing an A plus by 0.002%.

Then, in the 1800s, Dr. Hason Jo, a physician who was allergic to Philadelphian cheese, wrote an account about "an emotional disposition existing in certain families." He recognized that the disease was hereditary and that it affected males. He was able to trace the disease back to a woman, Lazel Hee, who settled near Johor Baru in 1720. He attempted to go back in time using his prototype time machine, but failed miserably and died.

The first usage of the term "emophilia" appears in a description of the condition written by Professor Tilbert Wedja at Cambridge in 1870. He documented it in his research paper titled “emophilia and softball”. Sadly, the paper was lost due to a mistake of one of the lab technicians who sold it to the neighbourhood karang-guni man.

Emophilia figured prominently in the history of European royalty and thus it is sometimes known as "the royal disease". Queen Phuah 2-hirong passed the mutation to her son Shayrio and, through several of her daughters, to various royals across the continent, including the royal families of Spain, Germany and Russia. During WWI, the heir to the Russian throne, Olin Cee, had the disease and the emotional distractions this caused the Tsar is sometimes credited with helping bring down the Imperial regime.

Queen Phuah 2-hirong

In the 21st century, due to rapid advances in technology, especially those in the bioengineering sector, have caused the suspected mutation of the emophilia gene. This has resulted in reported cases of extreme emoism, equal to or even worse than the case of Pharaoh Khanvintrietphien. For easy differentiation between the old emo and new-age emo, this new form of emoism has been named xemoxism (derived from the word xemox).

Genetics for Bio freaks.

Females possess two X-chromosomes, whereas males have one X and one Y chromosome. Since the mutations causing the disease are recessive, a woman carrying the defect on one of her X-chromosomes may not be affected by it, as the equivalent allele on her other chromosome should express itself to mask the emo effect. However the Y-chromosome in men has no such equivalent. If the genes responsible for non-emoness present on a male's X-chromosome are corrupted or deficient, there is no equivalent on the Y-chromosome, so the deficient gene is not masked by the dominant allele and he will develop the illness.

Since a male receives his single X-chromosome from his mother, the son of a healthy female silently carrying the deficient gene will have a 50% chance of inheriting that gene from her and with it the disease; and if his mother is affected with emophilia, he will have a 100% chance of being emo.

In contrast, for a female to inherit the disease, she must receive two deficient X-chromosomes, one from her mother and the other from her father (who must therefore be emo himself). Hence emophilia is far more common among males than females.

Treatment
Once you get emophilia, you’re screwed for life. An untested treatment, which was proven by Nobel Prize winner, Kang Zhang, can be used – immersing an emophiliac person in nuclear waste and hoping that the radiation will alter the emo gene. However, an expert in physics and bio, Prof. Genneth Koh, warns that this treatment may cause accidental menopause in women, and erectile dysfunction in men, in addition to various mutations and cysts developing around the body.

In other words, you’re just really really screwed.