Polaris: random post
Hello again
So maybe this isn't a random post. I know this post might garner some hate and sow discord but I mean, freedom of speech and freedom of thought and opinion. Self-censorship can wait.
I shall now complain along the lines of gender.
Females.
Disclaimer: Do not read beyond this point if you're either
1. female
2. pro-female
3. zhirong
And my post is referring to nobody in particular, and no I am not planning a genocide on the female race.
well. first off i'd like to start off with the different categories of girls we should dislike.
1. Kawaii nehz!
Background knowledge
Yuck. Bimbos who take neoprints and go shopping all day, and/or dumbasses who think "speaking jap" is "kawaii nehz!".
Well for starters, "jap" is a derogatory term which may offend someone who is truly japanese.
These bimbos don't really serve much a purpose.
Quote:
"Nani!" "Baka!" (both of which i have yet to find out what they mean)
Symptoms
you know you're one of them when you
1. tYpE LiiKe dIiShH. ShO kEwLzX.
2. Blurt out random japanese words which people around you don't seem to understand.
3. Everytime you take a photo or a neoprint, you press your index finger into your cheek, or you make that dumb "peace" sign with your index and middle finger.
4. You listen to chinese and japanese music. both of which you might not really understand what the lyrics really mean.
5. Your report card just says "F" all over it
or
you don't even have a report card.
6. The way you dress is... horrible.
7. You might wear eyeliner and paint your nails.
8. You have an annoying voice.
9. You have a pink handphone.
1. It might help to have a translator who can speak broken japanese.
2. Toothpicks to blind your eyes before they do.
3. A lighter might help. you could set them on fire... The amount of hair wax they use could start a barbecue.
2. My parents hate me.
Background knowledge
Goth-chick wannabes with black fingernails, black toenails, jet-black hair, lots of eyeliner and maybe powder on the face.
Wardrobe: Black darnkess. Black pants black shirts. Maybe occasional black skirts. Oh yes don't forget the tie.
Quote:
"My parents just don't get me, you know. Just because my hair covers half my face doesn't make me cyclops. I want to drop out of school, play in a band and make music and write poetry."
Symptoms
1. Your favourite band is "blood rip romance and suffocate me dry" or something along that line.
2. Your appearance scares the shit out of slipknot.
3. You have a red barcode around your wrist region.
4. You only have one facial expression.
5. You and your friends look like clones.
6. Your best friend is your online diary.
7. Your life is a dark abyss.
8. Sun-tanning? No way, Jose. You tan in the moonlight.
9. You fashion sense is...sad.
Precautions and measures to take when approaching these people
1. Tissue paper.
2. Patience.
3. Paper for them to tear up.
4. Tacos.
3. Yay! Everything is happy!
Background knowledge
These people are happy. Everything about them is bright. Black is reserved for solemn occasions like when their pet dog dies.
Quote:
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine! Yay!"
Symptoms
1. You love pink.
2. You dress in bright colours
3. You have a high squeeky voice.
4. You are over-enthusiastic.
5. You don't need alcohol to get high.
6. Your favourite TV show is Barney and Friends. And you're already sixteen.
7. Your favourite band are The Wiggles.
8. While people have extra value meals, you order The Happy Meal.
9. You cried when the terminator died.
10. You watched the whole "Land Before Time" series twenty times. While you were in secondary school.
Precautions and measures to take when approaching these people
1. Cuddly furry soft toys.
2. Tellytubby VCDs.
3. A big heart.
4. High noise and wailing tolerance levels are required.
4. The Penultimate Bimbo.
Background Knowledge
Careful, anything you say about them might cause the whole clique to just turn against you. You don't want to get on their bad side.
Nonetheless pretty harmful, just pretty dumb-blonde-like. Think "Legally Blonde".
Quote
"Lets go shop at that new designer outlet! I want to get that top i saw in "Her World" magazine. So hip and trendy!"
Symptoms
1. Your favourite hobby is shopping and hanging out with "the babes" at orchard.
2. Your second most favourite hobby is admiring yourself in the mirror.
3. Your third favourite hobby is tanning at sentosa.
4. You take 5 hours to choose clothes.
5. You take another 5 hours to choose the right way to wear it.
6. You don't dare eat pizza because it'll dirty your manicured nails.
7. You listen to perfect 10 98.7 FM because you are "hip" and "in".
8. You love arrerrr and beeee music. (R & B)
9. You pretend to do sports. But you kind of suck at them. The most you've done is smacked a beach volleyball into a guy's b*tch volleyballs.
10. You wear your hair in a million different ways.
11. You cry and scream after every haircut.
12. You love chocolates but they'll make you fat. (Even though you're half my weight)
13. Your fourth favourite hobby is... Dieting.
Precautions
1. Have lots of cash. Chances are they'll run out and need to borrow from you.
2. Screw the cash. Have a credit card.
3. Long arms are a must. To hang all their plastic bags.
4. A towel. You might sweat around them. Because they're "Hot".
5. The Mugger Maxima
Background knowlege
School is nothing for them. They understand everything the teacher is explaining in class even before she does so.
In their free time they think about which book to read next. But then again, they don't have free time.
Quote:
"I believe the relevant authorities are morally obliged to abolish certain school rules and regulations, for example the setting of a quota for the quantity of books that the libraries of each educational institution could possess, in order to facilitate the advanced learning for the more gifted and academically inclined individuals, as it is a basic moral principle that people should get what they need for survival."
Symptoms:
1. Your favourite teacher is yourself.
2. Your idols are: Aristotle, Isaac Newton, Charles Darwin, Rene Descartes and so much more.
3. You believe that reading this blog is a waste of time.
4. You have memorised your Lam Peng Kuan and probably wrote a poem to that guy telling him that there are some mistakes in his book.
5. You dying correct the gramatical and speling mistakes this sentence.
6. You want to grow up to get Nobel Prizes for literature, philosophy, physics, biology, and much much more.
7. After school, you don't go home. You always go to the National Library first. Because you've already finished reading the books at the nearby library.
8. Secretly in your room you have drafted out blueprints of "The Hypervelocity Time-Space-Distorting Projectile Launcher"
9. Your favourite song is: "The Unlimited Capacity of the Human Brain" by "Bio Ultima"
10. You have once wanted to commit suicide because you found out that your IQ is 199 instead of 200.
11. Your GPA in IP1 was 8.6 because you are took 2 levels of academic courses at once.
Precautions:
1. Never try to argue with them.
2. Keep your books out of sight.
3. Try not to act smug.
4. Staying out of their sight is still the best policy to undertake.
5. Never let them know that youre blogging about them, or risk getting your blog torn down by the authorities after they've sent a impassioned petition to them.
Well so far this is what I've been able to come up with. If you have any more ideas, feel free to add!
So maybe this isn't a random post. I know this post might garner some hate and sow discord but I mean, freedom of speech and freedom of thought and opinion. Self-censorship can wait.
I shall now complain along the lines of gender.
Females.
Disclaimer: Do not read beyond this point if you're either
1. female
2. pro-female
3. zhirong
And my post is referring to nobody in particular, and no I am not planning a genocide on the female race.
well. first off i'd like to start off with the different categories of girls we should dislike.
1. Kawaii nehz!
Background knowledge
Yuck. Bimbos who take neoprints and go shopping all day, and/or dumbasses who think "speaking jap" is "kawaii nehz!".
Well for starters, "jap" is a derogatory term which may offend someone who is truly japanese.
These bimbos don't really serve much a purpose.
Quote:
"Nani!" "Baka!" (both of which i have yet to find out what they mean)
Symptoms
you know you're one of them when you
1. tYpE LiiKe dIiShH. ShO kEwLzX.
2. Blurt out random japanese words which people around you don't seem to understand.
3. Everytime you take a photo or a neoprint, you press your index finger into your cheek, or you make that dumb "peace" sign with your index and middle finger.
4. You listen to chinese and japanese music. both of which you might not really understand what the lyrics really mean.
5. Your report card just says "F" all over it
or
you don't even have a report card.
6. The way you dress is... horrible.
7. You might wear eyeliner and paint your nails.
8. You have an annoying voice.
9. You have a pink handphone.
1. It might help to have a translator who can speak broken japanese.
2. Toothpicks to blind your eyes before they do.
3. A lighter might help. you could set them on fire... The amount of hair wax they use could start a barbecue.
2. My parents hate me.
Background knowledge
Goth-chick wannabes with black fingernails, black toenails, jet-black hair, lots of eyeliner and maybe powder on the face.
Wardrobe: Black darnkess. Black pants black shirts. Maybe occasional black skirts. Oh yes don't forget the tie.
Quote:
"My parents just don't get me, you know. Just because my hair covers half my face doesn't make me cyclops. I want to drop out of school, play in a band and make music and write poetry."
Symptoms
1. Your favourite band is "blood rip romance and suffocate me dry" or something along that line.
2. Your appearance scares the shit out of slipknot.
3. You have a red barcode around your wrist region.
4. You only have one facial expression.
5. You and your friends look like clones.
6. Your best friend is your online diary.
7. Your life is a dark abyss.
8. Sun-tanning? No way, Jose. You tan in the moonlight.
9. You fashion sense is...sad.
Precautions and measures to take when approaching these people
1. Tissue paper.
2. Patience.
3. Paper for them to tear up.
4. Tacos.
3. Yay! Everything is happy!
Background knowledge
These people are happy. Everything about them is bright. Black is reserved for solemn occasions like when their pet dog dies.
Quote:
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine! Yay!"
Symptoms
1. You love pink.
2. You dress in bright colours
3. You have a high squeeky voice.
4. You are over-enthusiastic.
5. You don't need alcohol to get high.
6. Your favourite TV show is Barney and Friends. And you're already sixteen.
7. Your favourite band are The Wiggles.
8. While people have extra value meals, you order The Happy Meal.
9. You cried when the terminator died.
10. You watched the whole "Land Before Time" series twenty times. While you were in secondary school.
Precautions and measures to take when approaching these people
1. Cuddly furry soft toys.
2. Tellytubby VCDs.
3. A big heart.
4. High noise and wailing tolerance levels are required.
4. The Penultimate Bimbo.
Background Knowledge
Careful, anything you say about them might cause the whole clique to just turn against you. You don't want to get on their bad side.
Nonetheless pretty harmful, just pretty dumb-blonde-like. Think "Legally Blonde".
Quote
"Lets go shop at that new designer outlet! I want to get that top i saw in "Her World" magazine. So hip and trendy!"
Symptoms
1. Your favourite hobby is shopping and hanging out with "the babes" at orchard.
2. Your second most favourite hobby is admiring yourself in the mirror.
3. Your third favourite hobby is tanning at sentosa.
4. You take 5 hours to choose clothes.
5. You take another 5 hours to choose the right way to wear it.
6. You don't dare eat pizza because it'll dirty your manicured nails.
7. You listen to perfect 10 98.7 FM because you are "hip" and "in".
8. You love arrerrr and beeee music. (R & B)
9. You pretend to do sports. But you kind of suck at them. The most you've done is smacked a beach volleyball into a guy's b*tch volleyballs.
10. You wear your hair in a million different ways.
11. You cry and scream after every haircut.
12. You love chocolates but they'll make you fat. (Even though you're half my weight)
13. Your fourth favourite hobby is... Dieting.
Precautions
1. Have lots of cash. Chances are they'll run out and need to borrow from you.
2. Screw the cash. Have a credit card.
3. Long arms are a must. To hang all their plastic bags.
4. A towel. You might sweat around them. Because they're "Hot".
5. The Mugger Maxima
Background knowlege
School is nothing for them. They understand everything the teacher is explaining in class even before she does so.
In their free time they think about which book to read next. But then again, they don't have free time.
Quote:
"I believe the relevant authorities are morally obliged to abolish certain school rules and regulations, for example the setting of a quota for the quantity of books that the libraries of each educational institution could possess, in order to facilitate the advanced learning for the more gifted and academically inclined individuals, as it is a basic moral principle that people should get what they need for survival."
Symptoms:
1. Your favourite teacher is yourself.
2. Your idols are: Aristotle, Isaac Newton, Charles Darwin, Rene Descartes and so much more.
3. You believe that reading this blog is a waste of time.
4. You have memorised your Lam Peng Kuan and probably wrote a poem to that guy telling him that there are some mistakes in his book.
5. You dying correct the gramatical and speling mistakes this sentence.
6. You want to grow up to get Nobel Prizes for literature, philosophy, physics, biology, and much much more.
7. After school, you don't go home. You always go to the National Library first. Because you've already finished reading the books at the nearby library.
8. Secretly in your room you have drafted out blueprints of "The Hypervelocity Time-Space-Distorting Projectile Launcher"
9. Your favourite song is: "The Unlimited Capacity of the Human Brain" by "Bio Ultima"
10. You have once wanted to commit suicide because you found out that your IQ is 199 instead of 200.
11. Your GPA in IP1 was 8.6 because you are took 2 levels of academic courses at once.
Precautions:
1. Never try to argue with them.
2. Keep your books out of sight.
3. Try not to act smug.
4. Staying out of their sight is still the best policy to undertake.
5. Never let them know that youre blogging about them, or risk getting your blog torn down by the authorities after they've sent a impassioned petition to them.
Well so far this is what I've been able to come up with. If you have any more ideas, feel free to add!
posted by Polaris at
9:47 PM
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