xd: LANshop Royale (Part II)

LANshop Royale (Part II)

Scene 4

About an hour later, every player has gathered back at LAN gaming centre.

LANshop owner: Gentlemen, welcome back. Now if everyone is ready, we can begin the final match early.

Some random player: WAIT WAIT! I need to… I need to check maplesea forums for something first.

LANshop owner: Wah you play maplestory too? What’s your name? I got a level 87 sin in bootes leh. Let’s party some day.

Everyone else: …

5 minutes later

LANshop owner: Okay, gentlemen, this match will be –ar (allrandom) match. Since we are playing a gamble, we might as well leave our hero selection to chance. Now, please place your bets.

James Phua takes out everything in his wallet and places it on the table. $87.

LANshop owner: Interesting. Mr Phua has chosen to bet all that he has left. As a rule, we have to follow suit.

A lot of players grumble as they reluctantly placed their bets.

LANshop owner (whispering to James Phua): What a dangerous move, Mr Phua. Think you can beat me?

James Phua (in a whisper): We’ll see soon enough.

*Game starts*

25 minutes into the game:

James Phua: OMG I’m being poisoned!

Agency operator through ear com: What? You’re being poisoned?

James Phua: YEAH I’M GOING TO DIE!

Agency operator through ear com: Ok, Mr Phua, stay calm! Listen to my instructions.

James Phua: OKAY. Okay.

Agency operator through ear com: Now, how do you feel? Which part of you is being poisoned?

James Phua: HOW I KNOW? My heart is beating very fast sia.

Agency operator through ear com: Okay. We need to identify what kind of poison it is. Go take a chemical sensor and insert its needle into your vein.

James Phua: HUH? Dunneed la. I know what poison it is.

Agency operator through ear com: WHAT IS IT?

James Phua: Viper Strike poison lor. 100 damage per second for dunno how many seconds.

Agency operator through ear com: Viper poison? WOW. Using snakes! They are vicious. Now control your breathing, and for the antidote, just a second…

James Phua: No need le. I heal finish le. Lucky I made it to the fountain in time. haha.

Agency operator through ear com: CHEY! YOUR GAME CHARACTER GOT POISONED ONLY! WAHLAO.

James Phua: It’s called a hero la haha.

Agency operator through ear com: WHATEVER.

Meanwhile,

LANshop owner (cursing to himself in a voice inaudible to other players): DAMN. WHY ARE MY MAPHACKS NOT WORKING? THEY ALWAYS KNOW! If this goes on I’ll get less than 10 kills!

30 minutes later

The Scourge has won! Check www.getdota.com for updates.

James Phua: Gay shit, I PWN YOU! I’ve got 20 kills, and you only have 7. Now you GG.

LANshop owner is stunned.

James Phua leaves the scene with a whole bag of banknotes.

Scene 5

James Phua and some IP1 girl are in a hotel diner enjoying a meal together.

Some IP1 girl: You did great! How did you counter his cheating program?

James Phua: HAHAHA I pro wad.

Some IP1 girl: Right.

James Phua: K la I tell you why. I SCREENED HIM.

Some IP1 girl: Screen? But you were sitting right opposite him!

James Phua: Yeah la. See, I used my poser specs and put them at an angle on the desk so that I can see his monitor. That bastard was too intent on maphacking to notice it. So wherever he goes I used minimap signal to warn my allies. And as for killing, I was very lucky to have randomed Bloodseeker. It’s an ownage hero killer. And most of all, I’m PRO!

Some IP1 girl: Hur hur. I’m going home now. Good night.

IP1 girl leaves.

James Phua: I have a bad feeling about this. I think I’d better follow her.

James Phua runs outside the hotel just in time to see the girl being dragged away by some men onto a car.

James Phua: SHIT.

James Phua runs to his car, fumbles with his keys, and suddenly he gets hit heavily on the back of his neck, passing out instantly.

Scene 6

James Phua and the IP1 girl wake up to find themselves in a run-down house. Standing in front of them is none other than the LAN shop owner.

LANshop owner: Mr Phua, let me make it simple. Give me the money, or I’ll taupok you.

James Phua: I will NEVER give you the money, you cb.

LANshop owner: Fine. Men, bring this girl away, and then hold Mr Phua down so I can taupok him.

The IP1 girl gets dragged away. She screams desperately.

James Phua (to the IP1 girl): I’ll be fine! Don’t worry about me!

*Door slams as the girl gets brought into another room*

LANshop owner: So, Mr Phua, are you giving me the money?

James Phua: NO!

LANshop owner: Fine. TAUPOK!!! TAUPOKTAUPOKTAUPOK!!!!

James Phua: Noooooo! Arrrrhrrrhgghghghhhh…!

10 minutes later

LANshop owner (panting): Still not giving me the money?

James Phua: NEVER.

LANshop owner: Fine. Then I’ll hump you.

*with a devious grin, we walks closer to the tied-up James Phua*

Suddenly gunshots were heard from the IP1 girl’s room. Immediately, the door bursts open, and a guy appeared. He shoots at the LANshop owner, who dies immediately from a headshot.

James Phua: Who’s that?

Assassin: Eh wassup its me yo! *he does a weird humping action*

James Phua: BENJAMIN CHUA! WAH. How did you make your way here?

Ben Chua: I followed the scent.

James Phua: What scent?

Ben Chua: Your girl’s scent! I’m able to detect every single female creature within a 10-mile radius, didn’t you know? Your girl’s scent was particularly… enticing. *humps more and makes some weird noise* hahahaha

James Phua: OH MY GAWD… BEN CHUA! Stop being horny!

Ben Chua: HAHHAA! C’mon, let’s go. I’ve got to go Orchard to spot some more hot girls mann!

James Phua: hahaahaha okay la on!

IP1 girl: Eh what about me? Eh eh eh…

END =D